So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
