Yo dont text me then not text me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
