went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
