I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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