she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
