now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
