Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
