Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
