Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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