I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
