I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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