Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
