why didn't you poke me back
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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