obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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