you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
