I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
