life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
