just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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