her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
