Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my poor anus
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
