You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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