drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
