do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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