After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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