my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
