The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
