That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
