Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
