I think my vagina is haunted
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
