made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
