It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
