I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
