Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
