so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
