You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
