She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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