Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize