and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
