dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
