i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
