You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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