Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
