ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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