I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
