Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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