I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you guys were way drunker than both of me
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
