she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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