$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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