My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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