How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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