Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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