If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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