i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
