Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
