Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
