and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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