im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
