forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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