Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
