So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
