im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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