she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
