I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
