Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
NoShamevember. You game?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
