remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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