I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
